April

April was my moment of truth month. I was able to attend my mission reunion the Friday before General Conference. It was so great to see so many old friends and former companions. It was also pretty scary to realize that it’s been almost 18 years since I began my mission. Where does the time go? It really does seem like each year passes more quickly than the previous one.

April 13th is a date I remember distinctly because it was the day that I felt at my lowest during this whole study process. I was mentally and physically so tired of studying for the test. I went to see a play that night with some friends. They gave me a good pep talk after the show. I also had a “talk” with myself and decided that I needed to adjust my attitude or I was not going to do very well on the test. I know that whenever I am about to do something really important in my life, that’s when I get hit hard with doubt, depression and despair. I know where it comes from, and it’s not God. Still, when it’s happening to you and you are in the thick of it, it’s so hard to pull out sometimes. I fought really hard to push all those feelings aside and to regain my spirit of optimism. I took the pressure off myself and realized yet again that I cannot control anything. God is in control. Once I did that, I was able to sleep more soundly and finish out the last few weeks of studying.

I took the GMAT on Wednesday, April 29th. It was such a beautiful day weather-wise. Going into the test I had a positive attitude. As soon as I started the quantitative section I got nervous. My hands were shaking so badly by the time I finished the section that I couldn’t write very well. I felt like I had not done very well on that part of the test and had already prepared myself for the possibility of taking the test a third time. I took a 10 minute break, went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I had to tell myself to calm down and to stop shaking. I ate my power bar for brain food, regained composure and went back in to start the verbal section.

For those not familiar with the GMAT I will quickly share what it’s like. There are 37 of the trickiest math questions you will ever see, and you have about 2 minutes per question – you have to finish all 37 or you are severely penalized on your score. You are tested on basic arithmetic, algebra and geometry with a little bit of probability and statistics thrown in for good measure. It’s all stuff that you learned in high school but then probably forgot because you don’t use it in everyday life - at least that was my case. The verbal section consists of 41 questions that vary between reading comprehension, critical reasoning and sentence correction. Again, those tricky test makers choose the most boring and dense material for you to read to see if you can concentrate and focus under pressure. Then they expect you to know good grammar and recognize mistakes in sentences. Then they want you to analyze arguments and assumptions. The very first part of the test is the analytical writing assessment, but I skipped over this the second time I took the test because BYU does not look at those scores. That saved me an hour of time and also saved my brain for the math portion.

I digress, back to the story of the test. So, I felt pretty good about the verbal section when I finished. I selected the options to report my scores and waited a few seconds for the scores to pop up on the screen. I fully expected to see something in the 500 score range. (I was shooting to get at least a 630.) When the score of 680 came up my mouth dropped open, I was in complete shock. Somehow I had done very well on the math, even though I had felt terrible about it when I was taking the test. For the rest of the day I just felt like it was not real. I had worked so hard and studied for so long that it became my job, almost my obsession and now it was over. I was grateful to never have to take that test again! I know that I was successful because of the Lord. It was a miracle that happened right before my own eyes. Yes, I had prayed, fasted, attended the temple, and studied, but HE was the one who helped me to remember things and choose correct answers. HE was the one who carried me through when I thought I couldn’t do it any longer. I give all credit to HIM for blessing me and guiding me through this process.

The next day on April 30th, I gave my cat away. It was a sad day for me. I just felt like it was the right thing to do. It would make my life less complicated while going to school. Plus, I felt really good about the lady who took her. So, another miracle happened. I never thought anyone would want my crazy cat, but this nice lady did.